I have contemplated on sharing this piece of me for the longest, but I don’t see why not since both my husband and I are both honest and open with our family and even with strangers about who we are. Looking back on my past relationships I can honestly say I was only been in love once and I still am with my husband.
My relationship with my oldest daughter wasn’t love because it was abusive emotionally, verbally, and physically. As a teen, I felt I was missing love and I thought being in that relationship meant someone would love me, but I didn’t even know how to love myself, let alone love him.
Our marriage hasn’t been easy, but what marriage is?
After 6 months of being married we decided to take a break and we separated for about a year. I felt emotionally abandoned, but now I see it really wasn’t hurting me, but my husband. Within that year I was in another relationship and even then I didn’t love the other person. I only loved my husband, regretting separating from him and didn’t even know how to fix it. Even looking at that relationship now, I realized that I was only in it for the financial stability that the person had to offer. I saw gold, but it wasn’t glitter just the same abuse, but minus the physical.
My husband was currently in a long distance relationship and I didn’t feel any jealousy or needing to know any details about that relationship as we were still separated and I did jump in and out of a relationship. He was shocked to see how I reacted about the other woman and that I was okay with him being with her, as long as, I was able to see other people. We both came to a mutual agreement and after 3 months we decided to give our marriage a chance 100% and we moved in together. That was the beginning of our new found marriage. It took us 2 years to find what was comfortable for us. We still are trying to figure this whole thing out. We don’t like labels, but if we had to call it something it would be polyamory.
What the heck is polyamory you may ask?
the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.
You may think this is gross or unethical, but the key word is being in love. We don’t have multiple sexual partners because this isn’t what we want. We want a mutual relationship like we have with each other and if we so happen to find it with other people we are not against it.
We feel that love is given to us to share and not to be hindered or control. How can we tell the other how to love our children, parents, or anyone else for that matter? And we can only control ourselves so even if we are against cheating my husband works outside the home so I can’t control him or make him not do it. And vice versa. Together we can figure out what type of parents we want to be, but individually we have to work on our own flaws and short comings.
Jealousy is not something we don’t deal with. We just don’t get jealous over the simplest things. But jealousy always stems from something deeper and we communicate it with the other person or we figure it out ourselves.
With any type of relationship boundaries or rules must be set in place to make sure that the other person doesn’t feel left out. We have established some basic rules within our marriage. Most people don’t respect them so we had to end relationships, but the way we look at it is that we have found each other and we both are happy. If we never find anyone else to share our views and give love to anyone else we are okay with that.
Since we have established being polyamory… I have notice more communication with each other. We don’t hide anything (even the most TMI stuff) and the emotional abandonment I felt 3 years ago wasn’t even about me after all. It was just me creating scenarios in my mind because we weren’t communicating. For our marriage, its never been about sex. It’s only been about giving and receiving love. With every person that comes into our lives, it may be or may not be sexual, but we always give 100% with an open heart and with love.
Not many people view it this way, but each relationship is polyamory because we love them unconditionally. Not all relationships are based on sex with the other person, we just love the deeply. With each person the relationship is different, but the love always remains the same.
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